Showing posts with label Bodyguard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bodyguard. Show all posts

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Feline Acne

Two feline creatures allow me to share my condo with them.  (Bodyguard gets irritated when I say I'm the "mother" of two cats.  Ooops.  Hehe!)  The oldest one is 12 and the tiny, dumpster-found teeth-enhanced one is almost 5.

Last February, I realized Pussachat (the eldest) had bad breath.  Not as in "I just ate tuna so leave me alone" bad breath, but unhealthy, permanent, kitty-cat mouth smell.  It also seemed she had less of an appetite in the last days and that indicated I had to bring her to the vet.  I have been going to this vet since 1997 when I had my rabbits.  Not all vets are rabbits vets.  Rabbit vets get to charge double the price for a visit :o) and that's a  different blog topic! 

Here I am, cat in hand, at the clinic with Pussachat who gets on the scale.  It's just an ounce away from 15 lbs and that's not what is best for her already aching lower back.  (She overdoes it by taking high jumps to go steal the little one's food). Eyes, ears, thermometer: everything is fine.  Except she has a small case of gingivitis and she needs her teeth cleaned.  That requires anesthesia and anesthesia equals blood tests and that translates into ching-ching.

I suggest they isolate her right after the intervention because she's known to be right down nasty when waking up after anesthesia.  I was even told to go get my own cat out of her cage at the SPCA because she was threatening to bite the attendant's arm off.  This time for the teeth cleansing, they suggested a new type of anesthesia with the hope that it would help with her cattitude upon waking up.

A bit over $500 later, my cat has a brand new smile and we head home.  Her pupils are dilated to the size of dimes.  I get her out of her cage and she heads straight for her food bowl.  The vet told me she shouldn't eat too much right away and only soft foods.  She's miaowing like there is no tomorrow and she won't stop going around in circles.  This twelve-year old is pretty much a sofa cat.  She lays there for hours and only moves if she sees me going to the kitchen (her food bowl) or bathroom (her faucet of choice). My cat is stoned and she's got a bad case of munchies!

Not only are her pupils dilated, she won't sit down for a minute -even if I offer to brush her fur- and she has lost her coordination!  She requests a drink at the bathroom faucet and what kind of a bad cat owner (mom) would I be if I declined this poor sedated (stoned) cat a drink of fresh-from-the-tap water?  I get her on the counter and she knocks her face on the faucet!  It takes her two minutes and a bit of my help to manage to drink from the faucet.  My conclusion: we go back to the "old" type of anesthetics if we need another intervention!  I'd rather have a falsely aggressive cat than a stoner-cat who needs supervision.

In a conversation with the vet before I went to get my (stoned) cat, he tells me: "While she was still sleeping, I gave her a facial".  Me = dumbfound.  A what?  I'm a certified esthetician, I know what a facial is!  But excuse me, you gave my cat a facial?  "You know she has acne, right?"  No, I certainly did not!  Cats get acne now?  "Yes, feline acne.  She has a lot of blackheads under her chin".  Those are blackheads??? (Follow the red arrows on my pic)  I thought she simply scratched herself too vigorously under the chin and it caused her scabs.  I still can't believe what I'm hearing until he says: "You will have to help  remove the blackheads".  I truly appreciate this doctor and have the utmost respect for him, his clinic and his work.  But is he kidding me?  He had her sedated while he gave her a facial!  Do you have any clue what it's like to try to remove ingrowns and blackheads from a cat's chin when she's fully awake?  She's not quite collaborative, let me tell you!  
(This picture shows very well the sparse hairs and irritated chin)
I now clean her chin (almost) every day with Hibitane, a skin cleanser for veterinary use.  It has significantly reduced the number of scabs on her chin and she scratches less.  I try, as much as she lets me, to remove her ingrowns and blackheads.  Who'd have thought an esthetician's cat would have a bad case of acne?

Friday, July 2, 2010

The day I discovered Tim Minchin

My spring 2007 was quite a busy season.  I bought my condo in January and had to pack boxes for my move in June.  I was going from a 3 bedroom /1200 + sq. ft apartment with incredible storage space into a 2 bedroom 900 sq. ft condo with (almost) no storage space.  I had to do a huge clean up in my stuff and throw away a lot of unnecessary things.  My old high school agendas? Recycled.  Letters exchanged during classes? Gone!  Decluttering is time consuming.  I also had friends from Sao Paulo living here from February until April, which meant I had to entertain.  A lot.  I was traveling to Brazil later that year and had registered for Portuguese lessons in addition to my dance classes.  And, oh, no big deal, I was turning 30 that year and work was quite busy to say the very least (Annabelle Model Search, anyone?).

I took possession of the condo on June 15th.  My family came to help me remove all the carpets because, low and behold, ceramic and hardwood floors and to be completed before my official moving in 7 days later.  We were throwing my parents a surprise party on the 23rd.  My parents were throwing me an advance surprise party on June 30  for my 30th birthday and I was flying to Sao Paulo on July 7th.  My schedule allocated very little down time. 

With the money I received as my birthday gift, I bought myself my very first (digital) camera and first iPod.  I had no time to familiarize myself with my new toy and simply asked a colleague of mine (LM) to throw music in there for me.  "Please put this and that on, a little Jami and a little Matchbox Twenty... as for the rest, surprise me".  There I was, sitting comfortably in my first class seat (Yeah, baby!  Hello Aeroplan points!) on my way to Toronto, excited to get together with my Brazilian friends, when I finally turned on my iPod.  I looked at what he had put in.  I like, I like, don't know.  I decided to listen to an artist which I had never heard of, Tim Minchin.  Genre: humour.  WTF?  Please don't tell me LM put sketches on there!

I was quiet and cozy when "Inflatable You" started to play.  Keep in mind that I have absolutely no clue what to expect.  The first thing I know, I giggle, giggle and finally burst out laughing.  My neighbor, a few feet away from me, glances, with his glasses low on his nose.  I tilt my head sideways to express how profoundly sorry I am to have interrupted his very serious reading of a newspaper.  The song starts with Tim stating "This is a love song".  A few sentences in, he declares "delectable, inflatable you".  The guy is declaring his love to an inflatable doll!  I could not help myself: I had to listen to every Tim song LM had put on my iPod!

The fact that he's funny or not is debattable.  ("Your skin is so smooth, I couldn't afford you with hair.  You have all the wholes real girls have got plus one for the air").  It's a question of taste and perception.  His musical talent, however; is unquestionable.  He rocks the piano!  He also includes a lot of harmonies and my heart is quickly won over harmonies.  Again, his choice of (abrasive and vulgar) language may not be suitable for your ears.  You should surely avoid listening to Tim Minchin if you are particularly religious.  Bodyguard does not think Tim is funny at all (and Bodyguard is not one bit religious).  On the other hand, it's been 3 years already and I still listen to Tim on a regular basis.  An instant fixer upper for me.  He cracks me up.  And although his voice is not spectacular, he carries a tune!

Do I like him even a bit more because he wears (what looks like Annabelle) makeup?  I would say he's a Custom Quad Eyeshadow - Ebony, Smudgeliner - Ohmygoth! and volumelash.com Mascara wearer!  If you're in the mood for a funny musical discovery, I'd invite you to visit his official Website: http://www.timminchin.com/.  Here are a few of my personal Tim favorites (of course, Inflatable You remains my classic of choice):
-Hello
-Rock And Roll Nerd
-You Grew On Me
-Darkside (the piano is amazing!)
-Some People Have It Worse Than Me
-If You Really Loved Me
-Nothing Can Stop Us Now (The end is drastic and cruel, I know!  But the song itself is great).
-Prejudice (What you think it is, it is not!  Love the cleverness of this song.)
 
I appreciate the musicality his songs bring.  I like the fact that he's silly.  There is plenty of time to be serious and politically correct in daily life.  When I want a dose of silly, easy-listening funnies, I turn to Tim.  He's coming to this year's Just For Laughs and I sure hope to be part of the crowd!  He also strongly supports the use of Canvas Bags and, as a canvas bag user myself, I just can't resist this song.  Kudos to you if the chorus doesn't stay in your head all day after listening to it!
 
To LM, my work colleague who loaded my iPod with Minchin tunes: THANK YOU for allowing me to discover Tim!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Bodyguard... or the days after January 3rd, 2009 (part 2)

It is at least 5 to 10 minutes past 3 am and my friend MJ,  and / or her male companion, have been kind enough to get my jacket at the coat check while I talk with Bodyguard.  I have no recollection of what was said at the time (yeah... makes my mom real proud!), but I do remember he asked for my phone number.  I also remember giving it to him.  He entered it in his cell phone.  We said goodbye and I left with MJ.

After a few hours of some very much needed sleep on MJ's couch, I am sitting in front of a cafe latte and breakfast at one of our usual spots.  "If he respects himself", I tell her, "he won't call me".  Come on!  Let's recap: a tipsy girl who didn't want to tell one guy off physically attacked a second guy (Really!  I clearly charged right into his chest and wrapped my arms around him) with the only intention of using him as a scapegoat.  Yes, the hour that followed the assault was quite pleasant and we assume he enjoyed my company since he asked for my number but... come on!  I would understand if he didn't call.  After all, the situation was exceptional and perhaps... just a tad strange?  I could not clearly remember what he looked like (encore une fois, c'est ma mère qui va être fière...).  I remembered he was about 5'10 because I was at a comfortable height dancing with him with my new boots on - but I didn't have to stretch on my tippy toes like when I hug my dad who is 6'1''.  The broad shoulders were definitely imprinted in my memory, as well as the silky-smooth shaved, Black skin.  But I feared I wouldn't be able to recognize him on a picture.  Nice one, Miss IPP...  I wish he would call, but try to convince myself the way I had introduced myself to him was reason enough not to call me.

In the late afternoon, I went to see the-man-of-my-dreams at the movies with my best friend: Will Smith in Seven Pounds.  I cried like a baby at the end.  Little did I know that I was often going to go to the movies in the Spring 2009.  I came home, took a hot, long bath while reading (one of my favorite things to do!) and was getting ready to read on the couch when my cell phone rang.  I did not recognize the number.  My heart started to beat a little faster.  I picked up the phone.  BODYGUARD!  He had survived my assault and called back the night after we met.  We spent three hours on the phone discussing general information about our lives: age, work, habitat, latest seen movies, siblings, etc.  We hung up the phone and had scheduled our first date for the Tuesday evening, at Starbucks.  (I find out later he doesn't drink much coffee.  I am addicted to it).

In the last hours before heading to our date, I start to be a bit nervous because I realize I am not sure what he looks like!  If there are three shaved Black men with broad shoulders at Starbucks, I am screwed!  "What are the odds?" I try to calm myself.  It is our very first date and, unusually, I am 5 to 10 minutes late.  He calls me and I reassure him I am on my way.  I think this is the only time he was on time for any of our appointments!  (LOL.  He won't be happy I wrote that but... it's still true!  Ok, I sidetracked.)  I walk into Starbucks and, oh thank you, I only see one shaved head.  And the shoulders match what my memory is telling me.  I should be safe.  I walk up to him and he recognizes me. Hurray; we have a winner!

I can assure you that I was completely sober that night, but I honestly do not remember what we talked about for the first 10-15 minutes.  I just have a very vivid recollection that, at one point early in the date, I found myself to be as giddy as a teenage girl on her first date.  Would you calm down, I have to tell myself.  It's not the first time you are in the presence of a hot man.  Because that's exactly what I am telling myself... How on Earth could I have spent over an hour dancing with him without noticing just how hot he is? (Click here and Open Link in New Tab to continue reading).  Even under the influence of alcohol...How could I have missed that?

Here I am, sitting in front of what I believe to be an absolute hunk.  The shoulders, the shaved head, the perfectly trimmed goatee... enhanced with a few white hairs (sublime), well dressed and all.  Only a few minutes in the conversation and I can tell he has a huge... vocabulary.  Wow.  I spent half a second to find a scapegoat in a club and I land this work of art?  I must have done something good!  We are kicked out of Starbucks around 11 and, freezing outdoors, we quickly say goodbye.  I get in my car and call my sister.  "OMG!!!  MÉCHANT PÉTARD!"  I still can't over the fact that I charged into this man - of all people.  Again, you go girl!

The next week-end, he has plans with his friends to celebrate and I am sick as a dog.  I call to wish him a happy birthday and we make plans to see a movie during the week.  We arrange to meet at the movie theater near my house and he is so late that I wonder if I am being stood up.  Well, no!  This is part of the learning process. Bodyguard is incredibly handsome, but rarely punctual.  Considering this is only our second date, I rank his looks at a higher spot than punctuality on my fun-o-meter, and I wait patiently.  We watch Gran Torino and we head outside to our cars.  I can tell he wants to talk, but I am freezing my onion booty (it's January!) and therefore invite him to sit in my car to continue the conversation.  "You drive standard?"  He's surprised.  "Yes, it is allowed for women, right?"  I refrain from mentioning something vulgar.  Nevertheless, Greenpeace wouldn't be happy with me.  We must have spent over an hour in my car, getting to know each other a bit more.  He goes and starts his car and we set a third date.  He doesn't even give me a dry kiss on the cheek as he wishes me goodnight.  Ok... next time, maybe?

For our third date, we see The Reader.  Not exactly halfway through the movie, I glance at my sexy chokola  and find him sleeping like a log!  Gee, I must really be impressing him!  He must truly enjoy my company (forget the movie, this is about me now!) if he falls asleep.  (Again... I find out later that this is another learning curve.  Bodyguard falls asleep very easily and rapidly when he sits down on a couch or lies on a bed).   This time, his car is the nearest so he drives me to mine and, again, we talk for over 30 minutes while my car heats up.  We agree to call each other during the week to fix another date and he wishes me goodnight, not moving an inch from the comfort of his driver's seat.  I leave, happy but confused.

I drive home thinking to myself "Why doesn't he make a move?"  Surely, he must somewhat enjoy my company or like me because he always sets up another date but yet, unlike most men I have dated before, this one does not even try to get into my pants!  During the week, I get a promotion at work and, to celebrate, I suggest we go out for drinks.  At the Whiskey Cafe, he is surprised that I drink whiskey and scotch.  He orders a beer.  I am looking good in my pinstriped suit and again, he leaves me with goodnight wishes and a smile.  We already have plans for date # 5.  More confusion, but I remind myself that I have just spent another great evening and, if anything, I had fun and enjoyed myself.

We see Defiance on our next date and then have dinner at the restaurant.  We are alone and the waiters are waiting for us to leave in order to close the place.  It's a given: he always has something to talk about and constantly inquires about my point of view; on anything and everything.  I'm thinking... this is it!  This has been a wonderful evening and, surely, I'm going to get my first kiss!  On the way home, I have to make a quick stop at my parents' house.  My mom, who knows I was out on a date with the poor fellow I savagely attacked in a bar earlier that month, inquires how it went.  "He still hasn't tried to kiss me", I pout.

On the last Friday night of January 2009, I have a girl's dinner and evening planned.  I want to leave early and meet with Bodyguard.  He has suggested we go back to Whiskey Cafe for drinks.  I like the company, I like the lounge and I like the drinks.  I decide that I have no more expectations.  I know I will spend a few nice hours and, at this point, I am just glad I am not heading home so early in the evening only to find myself going to bed with my heated sac magique.  (I figure a warm sac magique at my feet under the blankets is much sexier than going to bed with socks even if my cats are my only witnesses!).  I am sitting across the table from him sipping on my Scotch and I think to myself... MI-AOW.  Head-turning, gorgeous face when he smiles - paired with those broad shoulders, biceps that make me want to use them as my new pillows and boy, do I love to watch him leave the room!  But I have many handsome friends and if he is going to be one more, than so be it.  I have (almost) given up.

I drive back to his place.  We are sitting in my car talking (my apologies to the One Tonne Challenge).  This situation has become usual and is quite comfortable.  During the evening, however; we have discussed something new and it involves what we want and look for in a relationship.  I sense a bit of nervousness as his hands reach out to mine.  I have an outer-body experience and I see myself looking like a deer in the headlights.  Think Bambi with a dropped jaw.  He holds both my hands in his.  He tells me he is looking for a serious relationship and would like it to be with me.  He leans in and kisses me.  I faint.

:oP  Come on!  Does Miss IPP faint over a kiss?  Pfffffffffffffffff.  Hell no!  But the plot is better this way.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Bodyguard... or January 3rd, 2009 (part 1)

2008 had been a fruitless year for me on the dating scene. It (almost) ended in tragedy when I (almost) called 5-0 on a guy's butt for chasing me on the highway (note to self: make that a blog story later this month) and for calling my cell phone / sending me text messages / sending messages on MSN and / or BlackBerry Messenger over 30 times in less than 3 hours. I had proof of harassment. Happy New Year to me!

So my friend MJ and I had not been out clubbing in a few months and really wanted to get our grooves on on the dance floor before going back to work in January. We decide to go out to a night club I had never been to on boul. St-Laurent, in Montreal. We arrive and it is still early so we have a few drinks and finally hit the dance floor around midnight. Quickly, my friend spots a guy whom she thinks has potential. I could not care less about men at this moment. I am here to dance my booty off 'til my new boots won't let me. Fun and dance is all I have on my mind for the night and it does not involve cruising. A year ago almost to the day.

There I was, dancing in circles :oP, when a guy approached me and asked me to join him and his friends for a drink in honor of his birthday. Well, I can appreciate a free drink and he wasn't rude, offensive or vulgar so... slowly I approached. I enjoyed my glass, chit chatted a bit and then returned to my friend MJ and my dearest dance floor.

It's already past 1 and the Birthday Boy returns. "I'd like to buy you another drink. Come with me downstairs to the lounge so we can talk", he suggests. The dance floor was where I wanted to be but, granted, I had to have his mouth an inch away from my ear to hear what he was saying. I wasn't truly eager to go, I didn't like the idea of leaving my friend (but she seemed to be happy with her newfound companion), I would only be downstairs from her and the guy was not repulsive. To the lounge we went.

I was not half done with my drink that: a) I was tipsy; b) I knew I would surely not be spending my life with the Birthday Boy; c) I knew I would certainly not be spending the night with the Birthday Boy (
c'est pas pour la vie, pis c'est pas pour la nuit non plus, le grand!). I was sipping my last sips and thinking to myself... how do I get rid of him? How do I let him down gently? (Must be the customer service in me). I hint that I want to go back to my dancing friend. We head back upstairs. With every step I take, Birthday Boy a few inches behind me, I think: "I have to lose him". But what to do? I won't hide in the ladies' room until closing time! I reach the last step and lift my head up. All I remember seeing is a pair of broad shoulders (no... broad! - think bouncer-shaped deltoids) in a blue shirt. And there was my answer. SCAPEGOAT!
(not Bodyguard shown above - but you get the idea)

I quickly looked around and he did not have a girl to his arm. He wasn't particularly physically close to anyone and so I tackled him. I literally bumped straight into his chest, wrapped my right arm around his torso and grabbed his right hand in my left one and quickly begged: "Can you please dance with me... Please?" I don't know if it was the desperation in my eyes or because I hadn't given him any time or, even better, any other option but to dance with me. "Hummm... right. Sure", is basically what he replied to my aggression. When I bumped right into his chest and wrapped my arms around him, it did not matter what he looked like or how old he was. I did not check him out; did not even think twice or wonder if he was my type or not. That was not the point. The idea was not to find a hot thang to flirt with. I needed to escape the Birthday Boy! I had found this lovely pair of shoulders as my rescue team. You go, girl!

Then it dawned on me. What if he is at the club with his girlfriend, whom has possibly gone to the washroom, will come back only to find me wrapped around her man?!? I could get slapped across the back of the head just because I was in desperate need of a way out! Quick! "Are you here with your girlfriend?" He giggles. Good, I look like a moron. "No! I would not have let you do this if I were". Pfew. What if he is on a date? He isn't. He assures me that he is alone, out with a male buddy. Fine. I can now breathe easily. I thank him for allowing me to jump on him and for accepting to dance with me. I try to justify myself by letting him know that I usually don't physically harass men in bars (Good God... what have I done?) and I try to explain that I am running away from a guy that I really don't want anything to do with; a guy who is a bit more persistent than I want him to be. Again, although the level of alcohol in my blood is sufficient for me to know that I will certainly not be driving home, I have a moment of clarity. I physically attacked an innocent man, chose him as my instant bodyguard, and now I am trying to explain how he is saving me from another guy. Now how sweet is that? Who will save him from me is probably what he's wondering right this minute! A nutcase attacked him in the attempt to repulse another man. How attractive is that for a single man?

By some miracle, Birthday Boy has found me. He grabs me by the arm and invites me to follow him for more drinks with his friends. Oh, Birthday Boy, THANK YOU! Thank you for proving to Bodyguard that I truly attacked him for a safety purpose and not for my own naughty-single-gal-out-on-the-town agenda! Bodyguard does not say a word, but does not seem impressed with Bday Boy's behavior. I do not let go of the torso I have come to appreciate in the last three minutes and inform Birthday Boy, as he can see; that I am already dancing with someone and it would be rude of me to just drop my dancing bouncer for drinks with another man. Bday Boy turns around and leaves. I dance with Bodyguard some more. Ten minutes later, I put a dry, but very appreciative, kiss on his shaved head. We dance until closing time.